


can't help but to sing along

by invisible_string



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: F/M, I am not quite satisfied with it but oh well, I love them a little bit too much for my own good, Post-Break Up, maybe a little angst-ish idk, plays After Hollywood Arts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:13:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28552908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invisible_string/pseuds/invisible_string
Summary: He receives a note with nothing but an address and suddenly he is all over her again.
Relationships: Beck Oliver & Jade West, Beck Oliver/Jade West
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8
Collections: Mail





	can't help but to sing along

At first he doesn't recognize the writing on the note that someone sticked to his door.

To be fair, he was in a rush, needed to finish reading this script, memorize the lines and then get some sleep.

In retrospect he thinks that he maybe didn't want to recognize the writing, that it'd meant too much once and now is simply something he rather wants to keep locked up somewhere in the depths of his mind -- partly because it is something so precious that it should never find a way to escape and partly because it is too much to run loose in his mind, it's something he would find himself drowning in.

But the note was still present the next day, waiting patiently for him to read it. He thinks to himself that it's ironic that it waits now and didn't wait six years ago. Six years ago, when he needed it.

He takes a closer look at it and something in the way the person wrote certain letters strums a string in his heart and he needs a moment. Needs a moment to simply stare and wonder. Why now? Why now after all this time? How does she even know where he lives nowadays?

He almost laughs, when he thinks to himself that she can't have it from The Slap. They both left it a few years ago, the last memory of their high school years simply gone now, gone with the wind that comes when your life starts to take pace.

Once the first stupor slowly sets his mind free, he recognizes it's definitely her hand writing, not only literally but also in a metaphorical way -- she always had a flair to be dramatic, to show up in the most unfitting moments and to fog his mind, the only clear thought left, her behavior that was so endearing.

He simply stares at it, tosses it in his hands, tries to find a deeper meaning behind it, a hint, something but the only thing the note holds is an address and a simple "J" in the corner in the ornate writing she writes her initials in since High School.

Beck never truly understood why she only seemed to care about her initials, the rest of her handwriting was a mess, still is one, judging by the writing on the post-it. Her initials always stood out, an idyllic island in the midst of a chaotic ocean.

He simply looks at the address, doesn't know what to do with it. The petty part of him just wants to toss it into the trash can, never wants to do something with it and simply let her wait for an answer that will never come, just like she did. Tit for Tat and all this stuff. The hopeless romantic in him just wants to answer to her post- it, hopes it's a sign from her, an apology in some sort of way.

She was never good with this stuff, apologizing, he means, she needed her time and maybe that's just what is happening right now. That is what settles it for him, he will answer to it, will find a way to keep in touch with her again because losing her a second time isn't an option for him. It would crack him inevitably.

*

It was a bad idea, she just knows. Why did Cat get under her skin, again? 

She simply watched too many dumb romcoms with Vega and Cat in the past few weeks, the past few months, the past few years. Hell, she even cried to Titanic two weeks ago!

The weekly movie events are something she grew fond of, although she always pretends that it would cost her a lung to simply show up. They meant distraction from long work days and they could stop the time. Until that particular evening, where someone stopped the work that was her life, rewinded the time and hit play. And as simple as it was, there he was. His name was the first thing that caught their attention -- Beck Oliver.

The movie was painful to watch. His hair was longer than before, in a bun throughout the whole movie. She didn't want to watch it, she didn't want to see her High School (and sorta College) sweetheart gooing over some chick that he met one (one!) time in some Barnes & Nobles (of course, the girl would go to B&N, of course). But Jade was a professional and getting jealous of some actress that simply played a role that happens to fall in love with another actor that simply happened to be played by Beck, someone who she hadn't seen in ages, wasn't exactly what one would call professional, so she sat there, watched it and poured wine like water down her throat.

Vega made a snarky remark about how the actress looked like a Monroe wanna-be, simply to help but it was a failed attempt. Now Jade just tried to remember, whether or not he liked Monroe or not. Heck, everyone liked Monroe, Beck would like her too!

"Monroe isn't even that attractive", she had mumbled and simply took another sip of her wine glass.

Vega had shot her a look and then simply rubbed her back emphatically. After that, Cat had stopped the movie -- 34:09 minutes left.

"Why did you never try it with Beck again?", she had asked.

Despite the fact that they had become even closer friends after Hollywood Arts (they had gone to the same college, Vega and her and she had brought Cat along, who went to a college specifically for visagists nearby), Jade had never really told them about what exactly had happened after they break-up. Of course Vega had found her crying that day, eyes puffy and mascara all over her face but other than that they barely spoke about it. Jade wanted it that way.

Their break up had happened maybe two years into college and had taken approximately two minutes. She had texted him a message ("hey, beck, I think we should take a break.. I am not quite satisfied with everything going on currently and I just need a break from everything, need to find myself, y'know?") because she was too afraid to actually face him; he had called her one minute and two seconds later, she had hung up fifteen seconds later, after his "So that's it, Jade? That's the end? Really?". Then she had started crying.

"Many reasons.", she shortly replied.  _ Because I am a coward, Cat. _

"Well, you could give it a shot again, couldn't you? I mean, it's been years, Jadey. He won't be mad at you, he can't! It isn't like him to be mad."

Of course it wasn't like him to be mad, at least it wasn't back in High School; for all Jade knew, he could have drastically changed and plot revenge every second, he spent conscious. They had barely spoken before their break up.

"I could give you his address. Hold up!", Vega had chimed, searching for a piece of paper and a pencil, Cat gave her one.

Of course Vega knew his address. Of all the people it was her that had kept in touch with him after her break up. Her first reaction to it was anger, she was mad at Vega, like she always was. Because what right did she have to simply talk to him again? As if nothing had happened? But with time, she simply decided to ignore what happened, to take Vega as she was or leave it. And to simply leave Vega, she grew out to be too much fun to be around.

"Oh yeah, Jadey! It'll be so romantic! Like in these movies", Cat giggled.

Jade wasn't like giggling but she still took the post-it Vega had given her and simply looked at it.

"Maybe", she said. It was too much happening all at once.

The next day, she had simply copied her own address onto another post-it and gave it to Vega.

"Stick it to his door or something. I don't wanna bump into him or anything.", she instructed her and received a weird look from the brunette once again.

Later that evening, she got a text from Vega -- "Job's done".

There is still no sign of him and Jade doesn't know whether or not he got the message. She isn't even sure that he will read it and what he will do with it. 

She should have been more specific. Simply scribbling her address onto that note isn't enough. Too much room for interpretation. What if he will simply show up here? What if he'll invade her personal space? 

She had given it to Vega, nonetheless. She simply wanted to see him again, still wants to. She isn't sure why exactly but something in her tells her that she just has to.

*

He isn't even sure why exactly he is here now, in front of her apartment in the safety of his car. He simply looks to the entrance door and isn't even that positive anymore. 

It all seemed so simple this morning, when he grabbed his car keys, started the engine and started to drive. But now doubt finds its way into his heart. 

What is he even doing here? What is he supposed to say? Does he want to see her here? 

Hell, they hadn't spoken in years, the last words she had said to him were about some girl in her writing class she hadn't liked. She hadn't even spoken to him about the break up. It was a text that had sealed their fate, together with the sound a phone makes when the other person on the line hangs up. Toot. Toot. Toot. 

Suddenly, he feels like a teenager again; everything is too big for him, unattainable like it always is, always was. 

He still doesn't know why he's still sitting in his car, staring at her window. He knows it's hers because she lives with Tori now and the both of them still see each other -- Tori and him, he means. They tried to go out a couple of times after his break up with Jade, it was mostly because his friends talked a little too much about change and she was just there and he was just there. And so they tried. Meetings in a café, singing in shady night clubs and going to that one play, she had starred in. It hadn't lasted. He was too caught up with Jade, couldn't help but compare Tori to Jade and reflect negatively on Tori -- it wasn't her fault, really -- she couldn't help but feel bad for Jade; she was nice like that. 

So he is sitting there, staring at her window and not moving. He should be meeting a friend. Instead he's observing his ex's apartment like some creep. It isn't like him to do something like that, not really. Yet again, he had done things in the past that weren't completely like him with Jade before. It isn't like he was a completely different person around Jade, she just simply unlocked a new version of him. A version that he sometimes had liked even more than his other facettes. Jade had that effect on people. Once they pushed through her hard exterior. 

He shouldn't remember all these things. He really shouldn't. He should be on his way to his friend and shouldn't be sitting here, in the same old car he has since high school. He shouldn't be on the verge to do something stupid. She shouldn't have that effect on him, shouldn't be able to twist his mind like that. It has been six years after all. Six years with no sign. Nothing. Not one way to keep in touch, she had never ended the break and he couldn't find it in him to pressure her. And so they had faded, even more than before. Of course he had recognized the signs -- the shift of priorities, the not so long phone calls anymore, the missed ones that occured more often -- but he had hoped that they could fix everything. Apparently they couldn't. 

So again: why is he still sitting here -- with no intent to move all that soon? 

He wants to see her, really wants to. Wants to ignore every little thing that has happened beforehand. They were Jade&Beck once, they could be it again, couldn't they? 

And so he stares at the post-it on his dashboard. It's similar to hers. His initials. An address to an Café he really likes a time and a stupid question mark next to it. An invitation, no pressure. She's like that. 

He should get going now, simply stick it to her door like she did. He just sits there, doesn't move. 

_ She's like that, the no pressure kind of woman. _ She could have already thought about it, could have declared it was a stupid idea and could've banned the idea from ever occuring again. He doesn't want to make a fool out of himself. He shouldn't care about it, it's Jade after all. Jade. The person, he had stopped caring around. Had stopped a long time ago. Back in High School, he thinks, around the time that she'd started caring about girls being all over him. There he had known. It was okay to be himself around her. Would always be. But there was the six years gap. He can't stop thinking about it. Six years is too long. Too long to not be over someone you met in High School. But he isn't over her. Isn't over her refreshing personality, her snarky comments, her love for obscure things, the way her eyes lit up when something interests her. He will never be. 

And with that, he unbuckles his safety belt and opens his door, post-it in hand and all. 

His steps are hesitant at first, he still thinks too much like he always does. It shouldn't feel so right, to walk up the stairs to her door. It shouldn't feel so right to invade her personal space. 

He has tried to not pressure her with his note but he still thinks that it has something pressuring to it. Walking up your ex's alley and all. It's too late when he realizes that he can't really stick the post-it to Jade's apartment door, the door of the building prevents him from doing so. He simply throws it into her mailbox, hopes for the best and makes a run for it. He's still supposed to meet a friend, after all.

He tries not to look too lost, sitting there in the little booth of the cafè. He doesn't think he's doing all too great, given the fact that the waitress gives him a look every now and then.

He doesn't know what he's going to experience next, he doesn't even know for sure that she will show up, she could have plans. Appointments. Things that are more important than seeing your ex from six years ago that you have broken up with. 

It was a stupid plan, simply scribbling down one date, only one time. More options would have been better. The question mark to it wasn't enough to take the pressure away from the overall message. It's like an ultimatum. Now or never. 

He's so nervous that he orders two plates of scrambled eggs instead of one. She doesn't like scrambled eggs and still she'll have to go through it, simply because he messed up the order. He orders her favorite coffee, once the waitress arrives with the scrambled eggs. At least something to make up to it. It won't be enough, he just knows. He just knows that she'll stand up, once she sees the scrambled eggs, smirk at him and leave him. Alone. Sitting there with nothing to do but to feel ashamed. 

She arrives five minutes too late, her car keys still in hand, and tries to adjust to the new surrounding.

She needs her time doing so, needs time to spot Beck in his little booth near the counter. Time, he appreciates, because sitting in front of your ex's apartment is an entirely different thing than sitting somewhere, where she can see you. Somewhere, where she should see you. 

He notices how his hands start to tremble a bit and tries to calm himself, tries to use the methods he's learned to deal with stage fright. It works for now but he knows that they'll soon start again. 

She finally spots him, walks up to him and places herself in front of him on the other bench. He gulps.

"Hey", he says and wants to kick himself for it almost immediately. You can't simply start with a 'Hey' after you haven't seen someone in ages, haven't seen  _ her _ in ages.

She smiles slightly and answers with a "Hey" as well. 

They both don't speak for a while, observing the other and trying to spot the changes the other person has gone through. 

The first really visible change about her is her style. She isn't that loud, misunderstood goth kid anymore, beaming with an aura of rage, but seems more grown-up. An effect working in Hollywood has on her, he assumes.

Her facial piercings are gone -- despite a septum and pierced ears, he can't spot any. Her hair is shorter than he can remember, only shoulder-length. It's still dyed black, no dyed strens. He likes her hair this way, her pale skin an even bigger contrast to it.

They don't talk about the break-up because what would they be talking about, anyway? It simply sits next to them, covering them in its uncomfortable embrace. 

He doesn't know what to do with himself, so he asks about her job, finds out that she works in theater. He likes it, it suits her. He promises to visit one, isn't sure whether or not he can keep that promise. If this entire thing fails, which it seems to currently do, he won't be able to keep it, won't be able to do anything for the next couple of days for that matter.

*

She doesn't even like scrambled eggs, never did, but she still sits in this cafè, Beck next to her, and stirs her coffee.

The silence is awkward and she doesn't quite like it. She is ready to stand up any second, excuse herself to go to the restroom and to never come back, not one look back. He excused himself maybe five minutes ago, stood up and quietly talked to the waitress at the counter, before leaving in a direction, where she suspects the bathrooms.

Jade is pretty sure that she will regret everything, if she stands up now and leaves but she still says nothing, simply sits there in this uncomfortable silence and thinks about Beck and her life and how everything is so twisted right now. 

She is happy without Beck, she really is. It doesn't matter that she barely speaks to anyone else besides Vega, Cat and the few people she sees now and then whenever she is casted for a new role. It doesn't matter that she hasn't written one good thing in years, simply no inspiration, all gone since she broke up with him. It doesn't matter that her current life isn't her dream life and that she doesn't spend her nights with him. It doesn't matter that he still finds his way into her mind, no matter how hard she tries to just forget. Because after all, that isn't that important, it isn't and wasn't and never will be because these are just childhood dreams, destined to crash and to never come true. That's life after all.

The first thing she hears is the intro. Because of course there's an intro to it. It's a The Cure song after all and a The Cure song without an intro is a little bit like sandwiches without lettuce. 

She looks at Beck, mostly an instinct because he's the person she's with. He grins at her, grins at her like he did in high school when she got him to do something stupid. She's missed that grin.

"Ma'am", he says, stands up and reaches for her hand. 

She realizes it's karaoke, once Beck sings the first line, a little too late. She can't believe it. She really can't. This whole thing is absurd and bold and free and Beck. Despite the fact that it isn't like Beck, it's like her and Beck. It's like the one time they broke into Wanko's, like the one time they hid in the janitor's closet and spent the night in school, just for fun and it's like the one time they simply went out for a road trip the summer before college. 

She lets him stand there and sing, hand still in the air, waiting for her; he sings the complete first verse alone. For the scrambled eggs and the putting her in this situation. 

Right before the refrain, when he seems to have lost hope, she takes his hand, grins at him and perfectly sings "Into the sea, you and me". It's one of her favorite songs after all, she shouldn't let Beck have all the fun alone. 

He looks at her relieved and grins. Oh, she really has missed that smile. 

Midway through the song, she thinks it's okay to be with him. It isn't as unbearable as she has thought. It's actually fun. She can't clearly remember why they even broke up in the first place. What was she thinking? She probably wasn't thinking, she was a college student, hell! They didn't think. Everyone knows that. And so she sings the next line "We should have each other to tea, huh?" and he chimes right back, a little shaky but still great. As always. Because Beck can't do any wrong. He is Beck, it isn't like him to be bad at anything. 

She corrects herself -- a The Cure song without an intro is a little bit like Jade without Beck and Beck without Jade, so she smiles at him, a hopeful smile that it maybe can be okay again, that they can start a new something and singing to The Cure in this weird café that Jade has never heard of, seems like a great way to start.


End file.
